Bursting at the Seams: Carrying a Baby for 12 Months!!!

by Jennifer A. Miskov, Ph.D.

As I write this from Toronto, where 20 years before this date on January 20, 1984, the Toronto Blessing was birthed, and I remember the incredible breakthroughs God released for Destiny House in this very same season in 2012, I release an anointing for unprecedented breakthrough into destiny over you today. Let my story be your legacy and testimony. Allow the currents of this stream to pull you farther into your own destiny in Him. Take courage, it is time for the baby to be born.

Stretched

I feel like this season in January/February is a time when God wants to birth dreams that people have been carrying for way too long. I feel that He is bringing relief and release as we continue to put our hope in Him. Has anyone else felt stuck, stretched to breaking point, or trapped lately? Have you felt like you’ve been in one season too long and are itching to get to the next season but just can’t seem to get there? I feel like there are many of us who have this dream or this baby inside and instead of the 9 months allotted for the normal birth cycle, its taking 10, 11, 12 months or more. It’s to the point where the stretching is incredibly uncomfortable and its extremely painful carrying this heavy load. The baby is way overdue and we are wondering how much longer we have to carry it and what’s wrong with us that it’s not coming out.

I feel prophetically that what has happened to me over the last couple of years offers hope for any who might feel this way. My story can be weaved into the generation of Israelites moving from a season of constant provision in the desert to a season of abundance in the Promised Land. From 2007-2011, I was somewhat hidden away in England for 4 years doing research and writing. When I finished my Ph.D. in the summer of 2011, I was ready to come out and play, to do more creative things with Silver to Gold, and to get launched. I was ready for the baby inside to be birthed. I had carried some of these dreams long enough without release.

Getting Restless

Upon my return to the States, I transitioned to Redding, California. By January 2012, I was living on a blow up air mattress at my friend Carrie’s house. I had searched for a job but couldn’t find one. Because I was just back from England, I also did not have a car. Carrie had graciously agreed to let me stay at her house for one month which was a huge blessing. During that time on January 19, 2012, God gave me a prophetic dream in the night having to do with an airplane. I didn’t quite understand the full meaning of the dream at that time.

Then a couple of days before the end of the month, I found a room I could rent which was perfect provision. I even said “yes” but then started to get restless and did not feel peace as I moved towards it. I felt the tension; the baby inside was bursting to get out and to breathe but I had to keep it in longer, hold back on the release of the promise. I was stretched. The time was right, the baby was past overdue but the pieces were not coming together. Even though I had already said “yes” to the landlord, I did not feel right moving in and knowing that within a month I would just move right back out. Then February 1st hit, that uncomfortable day when I began to overstay my welcome and felt completely helpless with no way out. I struggled with the tension of dreaming for more when I couldn’t even get my needs met.

Held Back

Meet two of my friends and heroes, Joshua and Caleb. They knew when the time was right to move forward. But their community, the Israelites, couldn’t see it or step into it until it was too late. This community missed out and put Joshua and Caleb in the awkward position of waiting another 40 years for this part of their destiny to be birthed, for their promise to be fulfilled. Joshua and Caleb had to sit and watch a whole generation of Israelites die before they could move forward. They were stretched. The birthing time was set but the baby didn’t come. They had to sit in a place of the promise getting bigger and bigger without a release until 40 years later. For 40 more years they had to carry this baby as they watched those who struggled with unbelief die off. They had to love the same community who were the very reason they were held back from stepping into their destiny 40 years prior.

Then it was finally time to venture into the unknown land of their destiny. They had waited their whole lives for this. In this process however, the constant provision would be stripped from them, dry up, and disappear as soon as they moved to step into the new land. As they chose to walk into a destined land, they knew they must face new giants they were never trained to fight before. But this wild, dangerous, and unsafe land was so much more satisfying and teeming with life than any they had known thus far. And they knew God had promised it to them. They held true to the seed that was planted long ago (Numbers13-14).

Then Suddenly

On February 1st, after Carrie encouraged me not to make a rash decision and to take a few more days to stay at hers if needed, I turned down the other room for rent. I said “no” to perfect provision for a room that was affordable and quiet even though I had no idea of where my Promised Land living situation for that next season would be. I was simply following what I felt in my spirit even though it made no sense at all and some people thought I was crazy. Then on February 2nd, after being stretched beyond capacity, everything shifted within a matter of moments. It was literally one of those "and then suddenly” moments.

At 5:00pm on February 2nd, after spending a full day in the Hebrews coffee shop at Bethel church, I had a breakdown. My potential ride home had just left and I felt stuck once again, powerless, having no control at all. This time I could not take it. As soon as I saw my friend, I burst into tears. For some reason Rene had felt led to go to the church right then. Within a matter of moments, several friends appeared out of nowhere and were surrounding and trying to help me figure things out. Right in the midst of all this, Heidi texted me back and said I could stay somewhere for 2 weeks in between trying to figure out other housing. It was in her in between place where I finalized the manuscript of what would become known as Life on Wings: The Forgotten Life and Theology of Carrie Judd Montgomery. I later found out that the desk I finished it on in that place was Bill Johnson’s desk! Amazing how a crazy turn of events can position one moments of destiny.

Desperate for Breakthrough

This was also the place where on February 5th, after hearing Mario Murillo preach, that I called out to God more than possibly ever in my entire life. It was the most intense Superbowl Sunday of my life, I remember it clearly. Mario spoke about how Hannah was desperate to have a baby and she called out to God. Her desperation later saved the nation of Israel when Samuel was raised as a prophet. Similar to Hannah, I felt that the baby inside me had to come out or I was going to die. I couldn’t take it any more. When I prayed that day, I told God that I didn’t need a car, a husband, or even food, I needed to step into the destiny He had put before me at all costs. I was willing to lay it all down. I was desperate for breakthrough.

February 15th was the day when I emptied out my bank account to step into a destiny I hoped was really of the Lord and not just me. By faith, I was standing on Carrie Judd Montgomery’s legacy from over 100 years ago as I moved towards renting a house I felt the Lord had led me to. I still remember sitting in the parking lot at the bank with my friend Nicol and asking her if I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I felt I was jumping off of a cliff and had no idea what was going to happen next. I had no other options but than to trust and rely on the Lord to carry me and give me wings to fly. It was either one of my biggest mistakes or one of my biggest breakthroughs. I was shaking and trembling in the car just like I was at my ordination with Heidi Baker a month and half previous to this moment. This was not just a financial transaction taking place, it was a spiritual transaction and I knew I was stepping into another level of trust and dependence upon the Lord. I was in over my head. I was scared of making a mistake that could not only cost me everything I had but also put others in a difficult situation.

Many of you know the rest of the story up until now. The day after I took out money from the bank, I moved into what would later become known as Destiny House. This would become the fulfillment of the airplane dream I had the month before as well as the birthing of a dream I had been carrying elements of for over a decade.

The Final Push

Joshua and Celeb waited 40 years and still had strength to step into the final push. They chose to let go of the comfort and constant provision in the desert to step into a dangerous new adventure. They knew they would have to fight a battle to enter into the Promised Land. They stayed prepared all those years, feasting on God’s promises planted in their hearts. They stepped in for the final push.

I believe that the burden of carrying an unfulfilled promise that has nearly crushed us is coming to an end. I declare that the stretching and the pain of carrying this "baby" beyond term is over. I believe that God is saying that many of us have carried, hoped, and prayed into seeds of destiny that have felt long overdue in being birthed. Carrying the weight of these promises has been extremely painful to some. Some of us feel we are almost bursting at the seams and we can’t take any more. Some of us are struggling with giving up.

I believe that in many of our lives, including mine, over the next few months, God will be calling us to step in for the final push to birth what He placed inside us long ago. As we are led by the Spirit and remain in His love, He will lead us deeper into our destiny and into His heart. For some it will only take one more risk, one more small step of faith, one more act of hope, breath of courage. This final push will not come through our own strength. He says that it’s not by might nor by our own power but by His Spirit that we can live the impossible (Zechariah 4).

I challenge you today to move towards that dream deep inside of you that you have yet to see the fulfillment of. Soak and saturate that dream in prayer and worship and ask God what He thinks of that dream and desire. It is highly likely that it was He who planted it in your heart when He knit you together in your mother's womb. His dreams for our destiny are bigger than our own. He is so for you today and for your destiny being birthed.

Take heart, be encouraged. Believe and strengthen yourself in the promises God has given you long ago. I urge you to cling to Him and hold tight to Him in this season, for I believe we are about to embark on one of the wildest rides of our lives!

To learn more about the journey behind Destiny House see Destiny House History

For further inspiration on this topic, check out Heidi Baker's new book Birthing the Miraculous